I woke up this morning...

with the worst possible feeling imaginable. It is for this reason that I'm writing at such an early hour, as opposed to the dark of night, or the depth of sleep.
I believe I'm writing so that I can remember how much I hate this feeling, though if I ever feel it again I will quickly be reminded of this fact without much prodding. Maybe it's so that when I feel these things again I will remember that it's not a new emotion and that I should not fear that they can conquer me.
I'm not one easily beset by dreams of a less then sunny demeanor. I actually take great pride in the fact that I'm not prone to fear, to an extent that I can't vividly remember any instance within the past year and a half that I have been scared without cause.
Ambrose Redmoon once stated, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." In my life I feel that it goes a little different than this quote. I feel courage is not the absence of fear, just the absence of fear in times in which it is not merited, and the acceptance of fear when there is no other choice.
It is based on this personal philosophy that I also have not had a nightmare in more time than I can remember. And, by no stretch of the imagination did I have a nightmare last night, I lack any greater terminology to explain the feelings for which I awoke to than these, for "bad dream" doesn't quite compensate.
I will not divulge the content of the dream on here and, unless something changes, I probably won't expound upon it's matter in personal conversation either. All that needs to be known is that it exposed a fictitious side of an individual that I hold very dear to me.
The craziest thing was that I awoke with a fear to open my eyes. In my dream, they were dead to concepts of right and wrong. I walk in on a blatant transgression to the natural plan of man, by any man's precepts, and all I found was blackness in their eyes.
I tried to find a way to define my feelings into words, as I laid there with my eyes clenched tight, my blanket gripped firmly in my hands. My first instinct was to simply lump all emotions into one: fear, anger, happiness, et cetra; however, I quickly realized that happiness was not present, nor any other emotion that had the faintest resemblance to good. Between the dream and my feelings, I found out what fear is. I also learned that I'm further down the proverbial rabbit hole than I previously perceived, but that is a topic for another time.
All I've learned by this episode, and the additional thought that has accompanied it, is the resolute understanding that it wasn't of God. All revelation from God, being defined as "intrusion of intelligence by the Almighty" by Boyd K. Packer, is accompanied by the presence of peace, which was far from familiar in this experience. Despite this, sadly, it only more defines where I'm at, not where I'm to go in the future. The disapproval of he who is opposed to good doesn't immediately verify the correctness of an action, or future action. Much like a Ford dealer saying a Chevy is bad doesn't mean that a Chevy is in fact good, if that makes any sense.
Nevertheless, and notwithstanding, I feel that this is sufficient to represent my thoughts on the matter, despite the fact that I've been awake now for an hour and half, and the thoughts of my dream have only alluded my thoughts a mere handful of times, for even less seconds.